On caregivers, faith, family, and writing…

It’s been a rough week or two, with Mom back in the hospital and David wrestling with the bureaucracy, so I thought it was time for another joke or two.

EXERCISE FOR PEOPLE OVER 50

Begin by standing on a comfortable surface, where you have plenty of room at each side. With a 5-lb potato bag in each hand, extend your arms straight out from your sides and hold them there as long as you can. Try to reach a full minute, and then relax.

Each day you’ll find that you can hold this position for just a bit longer. After a couple of weeks, move up to 10-lb potato bags. Then try 50-lb potato bags and then eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-lb potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute.

After you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag.

A year or so after Mom and Dad came to live with us, he started have problems with his back. It hurt. A lot. Most of the time. We tried the usual pain relievers and vibrating/heating pads, but nothing seemed to help. His doctor sent him to a specialist, and after looking at his X-rays, he said it was no wonder his back hurt. His spine was one long line of calcium spurs, arthritis, and mis-aligned disks. He wasn’t a candidate for surgery or chiropractic treatments, so we tried physical therapy. It was not a fun experience. He whined, complained, rebelled, refused to cooperate. If I had only known, I would have bought him several bags of potatoes instead.

California vintners, in the Napa Valley area, which primarily produces Pinot Blanc, Pinot Noir and Pinot Grigio wines, have developed a new hybrid grape that acts as an anti-diuretic. It is expected to reduce the number of trips older people have to make to the bathroom during the night.

The new wine will be marketed as Pinot More.

I don’t really even have to make any comment about this one. Anyone who has been a caregiver for any length of time has been through the gamut:

Occasional leaks – Ignore them and maybe they’ll go away

Occasional accidents – Absorbent underwear liners

Frequent accidents – Gotta go, gotta go, gotta go right now medication

Regular accidents – Depends

Oh, no! Not again! – I wonder if the doctor would teach me to use a catheter.

When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old man sitting on a park bench sobbing his eyes out. I stopped and asked him what was wrong.

“I have a 22 year old wife at home,” he said. “She rubs my back every morning  and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee.”

“That sounds wonderful,” I said. “But why are you crying?”

“She makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies, cleans the house and then watches sports TV with me for the rest of the afternoon.”

“Okay, but why are you crying?”

“For dinner she makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert.

“That all sounds great, but I still don’t understand why in the world you’re crying?”

“I can’t remember where I live!”

This was another of those that is almost too close to home to be funny. When we were getting ready to move to Florida, Mom and Dad’s house sold before ours, so they moved in with us. Dad had lived in and driven around Carrollton for 20 years, but starting from a different place threw off his navigational skills. One day he left the house around noon to take Mom to the beauty salon, and the next time I heard from him was at 9:30 that night when he stopped at a convenience store to call me and ask me to come get them because he couldn’t find his way home. If you wondered after reading my last Senior Humor post when I took Dad’s keys away from him, that was the night.

This last joke is on me. I turn 65 next month, and that’s not very funny. But it ushers in the golden age of Medicare. It will be great to get a “raise” when we drop my expensive major/medical insurance, but getting there is a royal pain. I’ve spent the last several months learning about Part A, Part B, supplements, advantage plans, Part D, Plan F, Plan G, and other various parts of the alphabet. I’ve pretty much narrowed down my decision to one of two choices. I just hope I survive the search long enough to reap the benefits.

Comments on: "Senior Humor – Edition 2 | by Linda Brendle" (2)

  1. Sue Allen Brown said:

    I needed the same laugh you needed this morning… Thanks!

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